Naughty Dex

Last night was not one of my finest moments. After a day of very inaccurate Dex readings I completely lost it. The cursing and crying in bed kind of lost it. I admit there was lots of flailing going on. I can't help it, I'm only 3 weeks into my relationship with Dex and it was going oh so well. I totally 100% trusted him, he was so confident so kind and always giving me what I wanted. But alas the last couple of days he's been acting up and the fairy tale is temporarily on hold. This is the second sensor in the past week that has provided terribly inaccurate numbers, making it really hard to judge what is going on and getting me back to my old habit of testing every hour on the hour (admittedly sometimes more). I realize that just a mere three weeks ago this was my life, but in three weeks I've already grown accustom to relying on Dex and giving my poor fingers a break. 

The Dexcom reps have been amazing through out this mini melt down. Everyone who I've spoken to has assured me that it's not my fault and that It's probably a sensor error. I've got 3 brand new sensors coming my way (the third one failed due to a geyser of blood that sprung up during insertion) and should be up and going very soon. The thing that is difficult is that despite their reassurance I still feel like it must be me. I trust so many different electronic devices to save my life on a daily basis and every time something goes wrong with them I can usually attribute that to me. Forgetting to wash sugar of my hands, not changing my infusion set, leaving insulin out in my hot apartment, over treating a low, not counting carbs, all my fault. So when something goes wrong, and they say it's not my fault, I still feel like it is. 

The Beast is in full rage mode right now. Let hope next time we talk Dexi (lovingly nick named!) and I all be back in action. 

The Beast

I've had diabetes (lovingly referred to as The Beast) for 17 years now. For 17 years I've been placating The Beast and at times straight up ignoring The Beast. But as of late I've decided that The Beast must not win. For the first time in my life I'm acknowledging it's presence and respectfully saying go screw. This is my honest, sometimes brutal account of life with The Beast. Maybe you'll learn something here, maybe you'll share my pain or maybe you can teach me something. Because one thing I know for sure, this isn't something you can do alone. Taming The Beast takes a village.