Friday, October 10, 2014

Betes-obsessed

So here is the thing about my diabetes, for the better part of the past 17 years I've been pretty convinced that this was a huge mistake. Now don't get me wrong, I've been getting by. Doing my thing enough so that no one really was concerned with my mediocre A1C's. They were fine, not great but fine. Because this whole diabetes thing it's really not for me. I'm not supposed to have diabetes, this wasn't supposed to happen to me. I'm a really normal 27 year old and this past 17 years have all just be a terrible terrible mistake. This isn't my life, I'm not going to lose a limb, I'm not going to have heart issues or kidney issues or lose my eye sight. I'm not because, like I said, this wasn't meant to happen to me. Diabetes is a fluke, just some weird bad luck but it ends there. 

But all that changed 3 months ago. I was at my yearly ophthalmologist appointment (absolutely my least favorite doctors appointment), and when the doctor was finishing up and taking some final notes and turned to me and said okay lets go over this. Um, go over what? Never have we ever gone over anything. And that was it, that simple sentence that changed everything. I know, you've heard it before, maybe you've even been there, sitting in that chair it's the quintessential "holy fuck" moment of a diabetic. But holy fuck. 

So here we are now 3 months later and officially betes-obessed. I'm on a mission to fully understand this disease that I in fact DO have, and control it to the best of my ability. If it means obsessing about low carb meals and turning down cupcakes, if it means analyzing data and constantly watch my dex. Then so be it. Because I may have diabetes, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not going to lose a limb or have heart issues or kidney issues or lose my eye sight. I'm not. 

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