Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Nightmare

After a major rage-correction to a low blood sugar (think honey stingers plus two oatmeal cookies) I went to bed with my Dex telling me I was heading north. So it was not a terrible surprise when 3 hours later my Dex was waking me up telling me I had climbed to 339. Now I haven't been in the 300 hundreds in a couple weeks, and I really try to avoid it at all costs. So I diligently got up at 2am and made a correction, and promptly fell back to sleep only to have a nightmare about my high number. I dreamed that despite my very tight control lately the doctor told me my eye sight was getting worse. He told me that there was nothing I could do and that no amount of control would stop the progression of my disintegrating retinas. He then showed me a photo of the back of my eyes where there were a million little read dots and black skull and cross bones. Yes, a black skull and cross bones. I woke up in the middle of this whimpering and sweaty. 

I haven't really acknowledge how much my recent optomologist visit has affected me mentally. Yes, it has scared the shit out of me gotten me to really gain a serious control over The Beast. But it also has really scared me down to my core, made me think about how much I could lose just because I have really bad luck and have Diabetes. And it really sucks. Like really really fucking sucks. 


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